Always is so difficult!

I wish i could always do what's right for me,
I wish i could always be what i am supposed to be,
I wish i could always be the one to hold your hand,
I wish i could always be your guide,
I wish i could always be by your side,
I wish i could always be that wise,
I wish i could always be your first love,
I wish i could always be the last,
I wish i could always live to make this true,
I wish i could always,
sometimes i wish i could just always say always!

This is for everyone i know and i ever knew,
I might not be there in your life now and i might never come back, you might never look back either.
To those i promised "always" and didn't live up to it, i am sorry it's just that i don't think "always" is possible any more; maybe i just grew up.
and to those who meet me and hear me say "always" please correct me i don't want to make that mistake again!

Always,
Sheel :)

Something i have always wanted or maybe...not

I am here, living it! the "AMERICAN LIFE" in some ways!
I cook my own food, i do my own dishes, i do my laundry once a week, i clean the apartment, i worry about rents and bills, i walk to 'School', i ride a 'bike', most of my work is on my laptop - my second love... and blah blah and blah..... i love it..... i hate it!

I have the freedom to do what i want and when i want.. i love this!
I have no one to tell me anything or stop me...... i love this!
I have the right of speech be it in front of my professor or any god damn person.... i love this!
I am in so many ways independent... i love this!
The weather is beautiful its not too hot.... i love this!

I have no one to ask for help when in a crisis..... i hate this!
I have no one to take care of me when i sick, everyone's busy..... i hate this!
I am practically handicapped and i cant travel without a car........ i hate this!
The weather is so bloody unpredictable....i hate this!!!

I love this place, and i hate this place....
I have a 100 reasons to settle here for the rest of my life and another 100 to go back to mumbai!
I hate confusions! and i love the options!

I have finally gone insane i believe!
Or was i always this insane!