a little girl,
trapped inside,
a big woman,
lost outside,
small wonders,
make her laugh,
harsh words,
make her cry,
a little love,
she keeps seeking,
a little anger,
runs in her veins,
one day she will overcome all hurt,
one day everything will be perfect.
each chapter in her life book,
i think is lovely,
each chapter makes her stronger,
each chapter makes her weaker.
the last chapter i hope,
will talk of glory,
fame,
success,
love,
family, friends.
the last chapter i hope.

my world is truly upside down! things people find wrong, i feel could be right in some way; some weird way! i feel everything has a reason and so is right in some sense. are drugs right?, is too much alcohol right?, is sex without any feeling attached to it right? wrong? well maybe not !! no does not mean I'd necessarily do it! but i wouldn't judge anyone doing it!!
life is so much better with so many different people, so much to talk about. so much for the gossip mongers to discuss! i wouldn't steal their reasons to talk!
so much more for the newspapers to write about, so much more for the doctors to treat! i wouldn't steal their monthly allowance! :)

would i give in to any of the things i mentioned? maybe-maybe not ..... life is a mystery i haven't solved mine yet! :)

till next time

Fear

Walking in the dark,
a sole loner,
there is no one who knows me,
there is no one who owns me.

I am on my way,
treading along a path,
i have never been here before,
i have never been so scared,
i fear i might go blind!

You turn up from no where,
and hold my hand,
it feels so warm,
this human affection!

you grab me into the light,
show me a world i've never seen before,
but i close my eyes,
the light burns them!

I am scared, i fear losing,
what i might never learn to own!

I fear hate,
so i learn not to love,
i fear ridicule,
so i decide and shut up,
i fear this light,
so i live in darkness!

But you force me,
make me open my eyes,
i let the light wander in,
as i fear i might go blind!

I fear crying,
so i learn not to laugh,
i fear heights,
so i bury myself deep into the grounds.

But you force me to laugh and cry out my pain,
so i try and smile,
and let the tears out of my eyes,
as i fear i might go blind.

I fear flying,
so i never look up,
i fear i might be wrong,
so i never think.

But you force me,
hold me and touch me,
make me look at the sky,
i take in the beauty,
as i fear i might go blind!

I fear life, i fear pain,
i fear hutrt and i fear death,
i fear love and i fear fame,
so please hold me close,
but not so tight,
that i might fear losing you,
as i fear i might go blind,
Blind in love with you!

Hm.mm.m...... sounds good to me [:)] its not about me but just a lil imagination!
my train of thoughts runs wild at times!

I have always wondered.. how easy is it to forgive and forget??
when should one forgive?
Is it necessary to forget after you forgive?
Is it better to not forgive and simply forget?
when and where is each of these questions valid? well i have had several incidences in my past That could not be forgiven and yet i did.. several i did not! but i was ready to forget each simply to ease my pain.
But there have been incidences which have not hurt me but made me angry, several i forgot several are still fresh in my memories!
Today something happened in my life that made me realise that not everyone is forgiving or ready to forget things very easily.... some torture you to hell to punish you either my abusing, making you do things you hate, or by simply giving you the silent treatment!

I faced all three and yet i don't think it ends here, there is much more to come i am sure. God grant me the patience and the strength for it all.
I wish i thought of God more often and not just when in trouble!

Dream Interpretation

Dreams, made up of weird stuff...... u keep seeing ppl from everday life doing weird things, things you wouldnt have otherwise even in your wildest thoughts imagined about.
And some say dreams can come true! now i really wouldnt want any of my dreams or rather nightmares( atleast the weirdest of all) to come true.
I have seen close family members having terrible experiences, i have seen close frnds hurt, i have seen me all dejected and all alone and all lost....... Nightmares.. truly horrible nightmares.

I was waiting for a rickshaw in the middle of nowwhere and i was looking at my watch. I was very late. I dunno where i was headed! And suddenly comes a rickshaw and i see two of my frnds in it! its getting kinda stupid now cos i dunno what they r doin there!
They tell me to get into the rickshaw real fast n i do. We tell the driver to hurry up but he's not that fast n i get all figedty...
I tell him to sit in my place and i sit in his. Next thing i see is that i m driving a rickshaw in a rocky mountainy area real real fast.
Next i saw that we were stuck cos ahead of us was a very big Khai ( i dunno what u call a khai in english [:P])
anyways i m supposed to take the rickshaw to the other end n i try to do that......
my rickshaw goes back n i gear up.... take it really fast full accelerator and we fly! Gosh i woke up all scared! i tried to be a hero n i dunno wat happened i guess we fell into the khai or something.
I almost killed three ppl!
Shit.
I hate such nightmares.!
this was yet the mildest nightmare! i get stuff worse n worse and each time i see close frnds and family!
Who can interpret just what is goin on in my head!
Its crazy!
Anyways...... i hope i see something good tonight!